Meekness and Influence

“Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the Earth.” Matthew 5:5 (NIV)

Personal reflection

I love to be praised! It may be one of my greatest vices. At one point in time years ago, this bothered me enough that I told a therapist, “I think I may be a narcissist.”

The therapist smiled at me and said, “The fact that you think you are a narcissist, tells me that you are not a narcissist because a narcissist would not care.”

My wife, Rita, can have high expectations sometimes. This may seem obvious, but, when those of us who want the world to tell them how great we are spend a lot of time with someone who has high expectations, we are going to get our feelings hurt. When we get our feelings hurt, we may get angry and raise our voice at the person who said something that hurt our feelings, sometimes in front of our kids. I generally catch myself in this pretty quickly and walk away, which leads to reflection, prayer, and going back to Rita to say “I’m sorry” for my part in the argument.

Why did I act like that? Why did I raise my voice at my wife and set a bad example in front of my kids? Because the situation offended my value of myself.

Meekness

After struggling for several weeks on what to write on meekness, I re-read the chapter on Matthew 5:5 in “The Pursuit of God” by A.W. Tozer. It occurred to me: Meekness is the state where we relinquish our self will to the will of God. If we are meek, we find our value in the acknowledgement that we are created in the image of God and we find our security in trusting that God will provide for us.

When we truly find our sense of identity and worth in our Creator, we will not lash out when we feel we have been insulted. We will not perceive slights that were not intended nor will we care when we are insulted because the opinions of others will not matter to us. If we trust that God will provide for every one of our needs and will protect us from harm, we will not become anxious when circumstances come up that might otherwise lead us to feel fearful.

If we experience an inner attitude of meekness in our marriages, we will not feel offended if our spouse says something that may seem critical. When we parent, we will correct our children in a manner that helps them to grow into healthy adults because we will be grounded enough that we will react rationally rather than out of anger. Meekness will allow us to love our children as God intended them to be rather than children who will reflect our goals and dreams. We will also be more present emotionally for our family because we will not be worrying about something from work or whether or not we will have enough money to provide for our families’ needs.

In the workplace, meekness will not be weakness. On the contrary, the sense of grounding that comes from this inner attitude will provide us with more confidence to do what is right. We will make better decisions and work more efficiently because we will be better focused. In meetings, we will not feel the need for our voices to be heard when we do not have something meaningful to say. Conversely, when we do have something meaningful to say we will have the courage to say it with confidence. Meekness will breed collaboration.

As employees, we will be more open to constructive feedback because we will not see the feedback as a threat to our ego. If we make a mistake, we will not waste unnecessary energy and time criticizing ourselves and/or feeling anxious.

As managers, we will more effectively coach and mentor our employees for several reasons. We will value them as people and care deeply about their personal and professional growth. We will observe our employees without bias to understand their needs and their receptiveness to different types of feedback. When give constructive feedback to our employees, they may be more receptive because meekness will enable us to address the situation both confidently and compassionately.

Concluding thoughts

As I was pondering my concluding thoughts to this entry, my family was watching the movie Encanto, which is about a family that is given magical gifts that serve their community. One of the family members named Luisa has been given the gift of strength. Luisa is constantly called upon by the community to carry their load. Luisa appears strong but, in a moment of vulnerability she sings to Maribel (the heroine) about the pressure: “I'm pretty sure I'm worthless if I can't be of service. A flaw or a crack. The straw in the stack that breaks the camel's back. What breaks the camel's back, it's pressure, like a drip… that'll never stop.”

Most of us have had that feeling at some point in our lives. For those in positions of authority and responsibility, the weight may seem overwhelming at times. But we are offered peace if we will accept it: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30 (NIV)